The Carnival of All Spectator Acts

Come one come all,
Break away from the status quo.
Demolish your walls.
Bun your protective masks.

It’s time for the show,
Let’s all show our true colors.

Come one come all,
Comb through the past.
Resurface that pain.
Express yourself to the fullest.

It’s time for the show,
Time to open up the curtains of your life.

Come one come all,
Listen to that poetry.
Show your support.
Don’t’ act surprised.

It’s time for the show,
I’ll lend a hug, a hand, a heart.

Come one come all,
Let the tears flow.
Don’t choke it within you.
It’s ok to be vulnerable.

It’s time for the show,
Get up, shake it off, and leave it all behind that door…

The Ever-changing Views of My Kaleidoscopic Life.

You see that flower?
Well, it’s not really a flower

It acts like a flower,
It smells like a flower
It feels like a flower
But it will never be that blossoming beauty

Look closer,
Shed those petals.
Those covers of hurt
Those sheets of pain

Until there’s nothing left
But the raw stem of what was once something it never was.

You see that butterfly?
Well, it’s not really a butterfly.

It acts like a butterfly.
It flies like a butterfly,
It dances like a butterfly
But it will never be a symbol of freedom

Look closer,
Forget the art on the wings
Those covers of deformity
That mask of plastic beauty

Until you see nothing beautiful
But the raw body of broken things that were never whole.

You see that star?
Well, it’s not really a star.

It acts like a star.
It shines like a star,
It radiates like a star,
But it will never produce its own rays of light.

Look closer,
Take away the darkness of contrast
The reflection of false lighting
The lies of potential power

Until you see nothing shimmering
But the raw dullness of something that never sparked.

You see that smile?
Well, it’s not really a smile
Grazing on the face of that girl.

Look closer,
Remove the false laughter
The artificial hint of hope in her eye
The dreams in her head of better days
Look at her.

Until you see no soul.
But the emotionless body left of something that never knew what love was.

And once you have seen the truth,
You’ll blink, forgetting what you were really looking at.

Restraints

It’s always that same game we play.
I’ll pretend not to notice you
While you pretend that it doesn’t bother you.

Our movements have become too choreographed.
I’ll twirl my way close enough for you to notice
While you step in beat to keep your distance.

Our hearts in anticipation, both anxiously waiting for this moment to start
I’ll stand there nervously
While you linger, increasing the tension’s thickness

The moment has come, adrenalin fills the air
I’ll provide the pulsating energy
You’ll bring the symphony that conducts it all

Even with our rules and routines, we tend to slip up
I’ll look up with glistening eyes
You’ll meet my gaze for that split second

The moment is quickly gone, just becoming a memory to look back on
I’ll remember it as much more, as vivid as can be.
You’ll forget about it, making me a blurred thought in your memory

Let’s dive in one more time, testing the limits of my bravado.
I’ll keep my cool, speak normally, let’s keep the act going
You’ll talk softly, so I can’t hear

Lean in nearer; our faces close in the distance
I’ll fight back temptation to act on my impulse
You’ll whisper in my ear as if it was nothing new

The moment seems to be over once again, leaving more loose ends
I’ll have reality hit me, and give up on hope
You’ll never let it bother you, because I have no effect on you

What did I get out of it?
Exhilaration, adrenaline, confidence, and a feeling of self empowerment.

What did I leave you with?
My heart, my hope, and my ability to think of anything else.

Will I ever put myself through that pain again?
If it means seeing you, even if its with choreographed moves
The split second encounters
The teasing whispers, then Yes.

I wouldn’t change a second of it…

Existence Isn’t Always Appealing.

Look at that girl,
Always smiling,
Though never showing how broken she became.

Look at that girl,
Always obedient,
Holding back the contradicting thoughts.

Look at that girl,
Always laughing,
Bottling up those tears just waiting to overfill.

Look at that girl,
Always surrounded by people
Never expressing how alone she was.

Look at that girl,
Always the role model,
Hiding the mistakes so no disappointment is surfaced.

Look at that girl,
Always looking beautiful,
Layering on the make up to cover her battle scars.

Look at that girl,
Always standing strong,
Covering the fact that she’s about to crumble.

Look at that girl,
Frowning,
Rebelling,
Crying,
Alone,
Fucked up,
Ugly,
Weak,

This is the real me, the true me, and the beautiful me.
Come take a look at my scars,
I’ll show you how deep pain truly is…