Fate And Other Four Letter Words

Life has a funny way of working itself out.
And once it does,
You look back,

And you're gratefull for how somethings ended up.
You just have to hold on in the mean time.

Don't wory, you'll survive this.
It's not like you trully needed me before.

I was a temporary guide
Knowing I'd be discarded soon enough.

It's blissful to know how ignorant I seemed to be,
To the pain I felt once it occured.

I seems my mind is incapable of conjuring
Just the right phrases on how to intervene.

You're on self destruction mode.
And it pains me to sit on the sidelines.

Your intentions are blatantly shown,
Although your mind belives obscurity is present.
I just don't have the heart to push you away.

It hurts;
To know I've been replaced.
I'm a thing of the past.

But my history allows me to read you well.
Just enough to get a hint of knowing,
your heart wants me in your present.

My timing was just a second off,
Preventing for anything to fall into place

But I remain unaffected;

For life has a funny way of working itself out.
And once it does,
You look back,

And you're gratefull for how somethings ended up...
You just have to hold on in the mean time.

Opposite Parallels.

An action,
A gesture,
A joke,
A spark.

A spark in my memory,
The first thing retrieved is contaminated by your presence.

A sigh,
A swoon,
A theory,
A dream.

A dream in my sleep,
Unwillingly received but desperately longed for.

I didn’t seem to ask for you.
Presented at the most complicated of moments,
But fitting in seamlessly within my problems.
You almost seem like an answer.

A problem,
A hesitation,
A question,
A doubt.

A doubt in my being,
Taking a stab at my confidence at any given opportunity.

A resentment,
An issue,
A tantrum,
A rage.

A rage towards you for your abilities.
You’re charming ways and addicting personality creates frustration.

Let’s turn your qualifications,
And make them into loathable attributes,
To simplify my sanity a bit more.
Please, cooperation would be nice.

A spark,
A dream,
A doubt,
A rage,
But mostly a want.

A want of being next to you,
Near your presence,
Would be just enough to satisfy me.

Pour your heart out, leave it thirsting for secrets..

Our main character evolves form pain,
Expressing her distress physically.

Averting words;
For the allusion would be shattered if words were spoken.

As chapters go by, she begins wearing thin,
But has never been so proud of falling apart.

The induced irony of it all
Converts it into an admirable fallacy.

My true admiration will come near the ending
When the breakdown presents itself.

You could say her surroundings have brought her here,
But why place our story with such lies?

Everything occurring has been self inflicted.
Becoming a glutton for feeling useful.

Continue flipping these pages
To see how much longer she’ll take.

It won’t take too much kerosene
For these pages to spontaneously combust.

After all,
This story wasn’t such a best seller in the long run…

Consolatory Temperature.

I have found my flame,
The influential fuse that molds me,
Melts my wax and creates various shapes.

This caressing heat feels like home.
The warmth it brings has never made me feel more alive.
My being as one was whole,
I just never contemplated I was missing my catalyst.

This routine I’ve slipped into is comforting.
Knowing my new supporting foundation is sturdier and stronger.
Giving me more room to walk,
Trusting it won’t collapse beneath my weight,
And the pressure placed upon it.

Finding this road was challenging
Tear yourself apart; shred yourself into pieces, and re-start from scratch,
These are the only directions you'll be given,
The initiative to follow them is all up to you.

The outcome on the other hand, is much farther than expected.
Take it from someone who's experienced it all,
What you get in return is increased immensely in size compared to what you put in.

That gap that was missing in my heart has now been occupied.
I feel whole again, and happy as truthfully as possible.
I’m restarting my life, with one person and one person only.

I’m reaching farther than the cliché’s
Pushing past the broken promises,
And throwing in that extra ounce of effort,
To keep this feeling as close to me as possible.

Seeing how much I’ve benefited to something like this,
I will shove it into the mind of those I love,
For it would be selfish for me to keep such a wonderful feeling to myself.

The one of hope, faith, security, happiness, truth, support, and well being.

Be the Chaperone of My Entity.

I walk barefoot down this darkened road
And feel the past rain underneath my feet.

I inhale; allowing the moisture fills my lungs with every breath.

With my face directed to the stars above me,
I allow these constellations direct me to where I’m headed.

My mind is clear, thinking of absolutely nothing else,
But the discovery that inspiration is beyond my persona.

These twinkling lights posses my trust,
Allowing their guidance to take me towards the unknown.

I close my eyes, and believe in the security they’ll instill inside of me.

My heart beats; steady, calming and controlling my pulse.

Whenever I’m in need of guidance,
These refracting lights will be all the persuasion I need.

That was once upon a time, when the stars would show their faces.

They’d shine brightly through the skies,
And light up my darkened road, ever so lightly.

Just enough to grant me a sense of knowledge;
To know where I’m headed, and to look back to where I once was.

Recently, these stars have hidden,
For they have found something better and more appreciative to shine on.

My trudging steps down this road become heavier and heavier.

Tripping in holes in the road,
And stumbling upon branches, broken off of other trees.

I must admit, I yearn for those stars,
Which aided me through this path.

Lighting the way so I wouldn’t stumble,
Or to let me know that the fall down wasn’t so long.

I’ve always been grateful of those stars,
Just never been the one to show it in public.

I was afraid that if I showed my reliability,
It would make it more vulnerable to be broken.

I stop, noticing a split in the road.

The heels of my tattered jeans are now soaked,
A result from walking through cold puddles.

I’ll close my eyes, pondering on which decision to make
Holding my breath, counting my heartbeats.

In hopes that when I open my eyes,
The stars will be back to shine brightly upon me.

Calligraphy.

Passion;
A word undermining my sentiments,
As the ink flows onto paper.

This is my sanctuary,
My true embrace towards reality,
The only reliable listener.

I’ll reveal my darkest moments,
Confess my dominant emotions,
But will only be perceived as tangled words.

Etching letters onto paper,
Fury releasing emotions as pressure.
Trace your fingers over the ridges left,
And tell me what you perceive.

This is me;
Throwing my resentment towards you,
Without having you feel even one blow of it.

Pouring my heart onto lines,
Devotion releasing as symbol.
Re-read over our history,
As truthfully as it is in my heart.

This is me;
Screaming all of my emotions towards you,
Without having you hear one word of it.

Exercising my thoughts with phrases,
Wonder releases as options.
Take a look at what I question,
And understand how my mind wonders.

This is me;
Questioning my judgment towards you,
Without having you answer anything in return.

Closure;
A word identifying the outcome
As the finishing touches are placed.

This is what tames my feelings,
My rationality put back into place,
The only thing that will keep me sane.

These are my words…

Anesthetic to Open Wounds.

Laying here, sick, with a broken immune system
With a sense of self disgust in the air,
I shed these tears.

Waiting for that fixture,
That will bring it all back together.
A seamless fixture left unnoticeable.

Reality is the only prescription,
Strong enough to douse these symptoms.
Complications flourish when I’m allergic to this medicine.

The timeline has moved on,
For you to maneuver to a new location
With new research focused on finding my cure.

Treatment started a few hours ago,
But the changes are rapid, almost instant.
As much as I’d hate to admit it, you were correct.

What my body craved for,
Was not in the shape of injections,
Nor in the form of antibiotics.

The real cure,
Was opening my eyes,
And realizing I had been healthy all along.

Your dose of being seemingly positive
Rationalizing events, feeding me perspective,
Has brought me back to my senses.

You gave me a reason to care about self image.
A need to pull myself back together
Into one full functioning piece.

My labels fixed on previous prejudice
Were shattered by the life you carry.
They say originality is key in standing out in someone else’s mind.

I’ll make this promise to myself,
Which you can be accounted for;
I won’t let anyone rip me at the seams quite so simply any more.

Because when I give myself to you,
I want to present a whole heart,
Not shreds of what other’s have thrown back at me.

Tainted Thoughts or Lively Lifestyles?

Our bodies’ friction releases energy,
Only fueled by adrenaline.
Thick heat surrounding us dampens our skin with sweat.
Shallow breathing,
Both on your part and mine.

We move to the same beating pulse,
Dancers to the same rhythm.
We’re so coordinated, our aura fuses together.
Our muscles scream for a break,
But we keep thrusting at our limits.

Once the moment has passed,
We’ll retreat to our own reactions
I’m left dizzy, still caught up in contemplating what happened
You’re left proud,
A sensation of a job well done remains in your memories

You smile,
A metaphoric form of gratitude for fueling your drive
I smile,






For you have just played one hell of a concert…

Ambiguous Abomination.

Tap the glass,
Play with its flexibility.
See how durable it is.

Fingerprints burnt into its surface,
Little force was needed.
But the damage will be permanent.

Clean it vigorously,
Polish it gently,
No matter what force is put in,
Everything done to help will just cause damage in the end.

Slap the glass,
Test its physique.
See how long it'll last.

Handprints are obviously visible,
Exert a little more pressure this time.
But not enough for guilt to enter.

Tidying it is useless,
Perfection is no longer reachable,
There’s no point in fixing it.
So just scratch it up until the flaws are evenly matched.

Hit the glass,
Compete its withholding.
See how beautifully it shatters.

Hands bloodied from fighting,
Countless strength thrown onto it.
Damage at its highest potential.

Scramble the pieces,
Count the remains,
There’s no turning back now.
Hide the evidence deeply and far away.

So you won't see reflecting back
That the person causing so much damage,

Is you…

­Hope in the Shape of Crescent Moons, Belief in the Shape of Stars

The scruffs of sneaker, toes, and sandals fill the atmosphere.
This cadence echoes within our boundaries,
Creating a bittersweet melody of alliances.

Within this moment, we come together as one.
This circle of unity carries such passion
There is no discrimination against the fighters,
Controversies won't hold us back.

On our outer limit, mourning for losses and prayers ring to the sky.
In our inside stance, life is celebrated and wellness gratified for.
As one, we are untouchable.

Portraying a solid ground,
Welcoming to the weak in need of support.
Hope is a medicine that cures the most ailing disease.

Come, link arms with me, expand this ellipse of strength.
With our own personal reasoning will be what fuels our drive.
For today is the day we provide hope,
And tomorrow is the day we provide relief...

Who Said Chivalry Was Dead?

Remaining an epitome,
And iconic figure almost,
After the countless battles endured.

You keep standing strong,
With pride and hope intact.
Defining the obstacles thrown in your way.

This shining armor you wore so proudly,
Was stripped from you
Without any absolute forewarning.

This heinous theft has been inflicted among us before.
But repetition never soothes oozing wounds,
Just accommodates the pain.

Despite the trauma,
You find enough scraps of metal,
To shelter not only yourself, but the ones you love the most.

Throwing every ounce of energy,
Talent and determination into this masterpiece.
You’ll compile a masters piece, radiating more than the past ones.

Since birth, you’ve sheltered her heart.
Keeping it safe and warm until enough trust is gained,
For you to hand it off to that lucky fellow.

Now, the moment had arrived to return the spoils.
She’ll support you, and believe in you
Enough to get you through the darkness.

We’ll be the soldiers, fighting with bare hands,
And you’ll be the commander in chief,
Putting your life on the line to save us all.

The only force strong enough to tear us apart,
Is the one beyond the depths of this universe…

A B C D E F H G ITHKYOUSHOULDLEAVE.

You stare at her as though there is nothing else within these walls around you.

Zealous to her every move, her dance is your show.

Absent mindedly, you miss me in the crowd.

But it’s nothing new for me to be

Conjured together with the crowd in your mind’s cliché.

Daily, I try my hardest to stand out, and catch someone’s gaze.

Even the slightest of my flaws will drive you away. I

Fight to be recognized, and not be outshined by your peers.

Girls with more attractive features seem to win this with ease.

Hedonist thought that cloud your eyesight,

Is a comprehendible reason as to why you drool over them.

Judicious eyes tend to block out the review made by your heart.

Kindly saunter over to her, play that role of awkward and embarrassingly cute.

Listening to her words but interpreting her body, I am a spectator,

Mentally envying her for her calm and smooth state of being.

Novice moves don’t impress her, and she tosses you aside,

Occupied by someone better, funnier, and a lot more charming.

Personally, I wouldn’t have let you slipped by, for I

Questioned your heart and saw much more in return.

Resentfulness for that girl clouds my conscience.

Seeing as how she breaks hearts,

To make hers stronger and immune to more shatters.

Undermining insecurities were resurfaced, but it wasn’t your fault.

Vexing judgments about myself was the final outcome of all this.

Why take a stand now? Because I’m through with being overlooked at…

The Advantage of an Unreturned Text Message.

Closure has just been delivered to me.
It was uncalled for, and forceful.
But was so truthfully benefiting in prevalent ways.
Now I’m certain, my decision was a correct one.

I was surprised, that I could gain so much,
From something so simplistic.
Nothing complicated, and no answer needed.
But the idea, that my capabilities did reach this far.

It was never your fault to tie me down this harshly.
I doubt you even knew how tight your grasp was.
But now that I cut the strings created by my own confusion,
I can move on to something with a steadier progression.

Consider me now the butterfly you admire from afar.
With a spunky, confident, and self-empowered flight pattern,
That you would have never expected to have seen from this caterpillar.
Yes, that cocoon spun out of insecurities, was within your possession at some point.

Apart from gaining a sense of freedom,
I have now recollected my confidence.
And this inability to believe in myself, that was carried for two years,
Has suddenly vanished in an instant.

I want to personally thank you for this journey you provided.
I’ve learned a lot about who I am, what I would give up,
And how strongly I would stand by my morals.
You’ve set the standards high on what I want out of a companion,

From now on, there will be no more yearning.
Catheterize constant torture in my mind.
No more scrutiny on my part,
Because that just tore through me easier.

Just know this is my farewell to you, for good and long.
Even though the hello was only one sided...

The Diagnostic Psyche of Separation Anxiety.

My heart is cruel to me.
I’m a tragic, devastating devoted mess,
And no one seems to have the remedy to this.

I wonder if I’m truly craving you.
The holistic form of what you think,
How you act, and the effect that it has on me…

Or am I craving something resembling this existence of yours?
With your same mindset, outlook
And compatibility of matching wounds…

Do you know how excruciatingly painful it is,
To replay every short second spent with you, every sentence shared,
Wondering what kind of thoughts were running through your head.
And if by any miracle they matched mine?

I’ve told myself time and time again,
That I just CAN’T have you.
But just because my intellectuality has registered that,
Doesn’t mean my heart is willingly following these orders.

If I could turn off these nagging emotions,
As easily as I turn off my sense of judgment when I’m around you,
I wouldn’t have such a substantial dilemma on my hands.

No one else notices the severity of this sickness.
If anyone was to find the elixir to end all of this,
I would down the bottle in a matter of seconds.

I would attempt any solution to end this, once and for all.
Because it’s sickening how you flood my thoughts,
Without giving it an ounce of effort.

Would you consider me selfish?
To desire something so strongly,
But something as simple as a conversation,
To call ours, and reminisce later on.

But once again, I’ll conceal these emotions.
Because the risk of spilling my heart to you,
And having you reject it,
Will send me to the most crazed level of insanity.

My Dear Imbecile, its Reality Speaking.

I’m left speechless by the perspective I’ve been fed.
All my thoughts about you,
Have been completely converted into the contrary.
My respect for you is at its lowest wake.

This amount of idiocracy you have instigated,
Despises me to the deepest of levels.
I never thought a person like you,
Would sink down to the stolidity of the rest.

Sure, you’ve were able to polish this diamond,
Purify it, and extract it from the rubble surrounding it,
But just because it’s shining now,
Doesn’t mean you take its luster for granted.

I don’t even comprehend what I can attempt any more,
To make you realize that this thing you have in your hands,
Is something people don’t find easily.

So for you to let it rot,
And waste because of your selfish thoughts,
Has to be the most immature crime you have committed.

You made me believe you had changed.
I thought my impact on you was a truthful one.
One lesson that you would carry with you forever.

I guess it was your thoughts linking together deceitful words.
A language your heart can’t seem to decipher.

But we’ll be the ones pitying you in the end.
For once you realize what a great mistake you’ve made,
It will be too late to turn back.

This prize you have spent so much time fighting for,
Will be gone if you don’t top your idiotic ways.
You keep stating how it is your one profound goal,
To protect her from any pain she might face.

But you’re too blind to see,
That all the bruises left on her emotions,
Are those of you brutally beating her with your actions.

I’ll leave you with this;
A brutal statement of the truth right before your eyes,
So you won’t let this hard work go to waste…

Optimum Disintegration of Her Withering Mind.

She muffles her sobs ,
As the tears cascade from her weeping eyes.
Hearing that voice once again.The only weakness she possesses,
Brings her down to the deepest levels of misery.

Are you oblivious to her pain?
what does it take for you to notice,
That you carve the deepest wound
Upon the surface of her shattered heart.
There's no one to blame but you.

Inconspicuously, she runs away from your fury.
Crawl into the deepest hole,
And she prays the darkness will one day overtake her.
Easing the pain once and for all,
Giving up on the ever-lasting battle.

Doing the unthinkable,
She reaches for that shimmering object,
That she hopes will ease her from her pain.
Even her own thoughts are surprised by this impulse.
Seconds passed, and the line has been crossed.

She's never believed in this monstrosity,
And has always tried fighting it,
Even if it means losing relationships along the way.
But the fury was too much to handle.
Those thoughts can invade a mind faster than you think.

You wonder how you could possibly be at fault.
You took the right precautions,
Guided her thought the right paths,
And left your attention to fix something,
That was more visibly shattered than her.

If you only knew,
Everything you’ve done to protect her,
Backfired, and was the breeze that blew her over the edge.
You never worried too much, and she noticed.
But don't you know that worry, in its hidden form, is a way to show you care?

Seeing the outcome herself,
She's dismayed by the baggage it brought.
Petrified that she sunk down to this level,
Thinking she was stronger,
And could suppress any forms of pain.

The deep catatonic state of depression that you see
Will be what kills her faster.
Even if she doesn’t speak, let her know it's normal for people to fall.
Tell her it's how you pick yourself afterwards that matters.

Once full recovery has been achieved,
Thanks to deep loyalties,
Past experiences,
And a strong past state of mind,
She'll spill her secret to the world.

The reactions were expected,
Predicted, almost.
But that doesn’t mean it's easier
To replay the events of nights before.
She’ll have to live with those memories now.

Feelings of remorse, fear and anger
Intertwine confusion around her.
She waits for time to diagnose her,
How mentally healthy she’ll be in the future.
After all, you drove her past this line,

Who knows how far of a mistake she’ll make next time.
You can’t tell her,
For you burry your head in the sand.
She can’t tell you,
For she has no idea how mentally stable she is…

Let’s Get Down To the Beat of My Infatuation

I wonder what the world would be like,
If only for a day every one’s thoughts were vocalized.
To have the realms of your mind exposed,
And have the barricades opinions brought down.

I contemplate what your reaction would be,
To my entrapped thoughts about you, finally being unleashed.
Would my thoughts drive you away,
Or are they the final lure that brings you to me?

Tell me if you notice,
How much of a compulsive tease you are.
Bring my hopes up, give me strength, provide me with safety.
Walk away, and reality awakens me from that dream.

You don’t mean to cause so much torture.
It’s all in your subconscious after all.
Shooting subliminal messages straight through me.
Am I that good at hiding my wounds?

But I wonder if that one day,
Where the world speaks its mind.
Let those hidden whispers turn into screams of attention.
If that would all come to a halt.

For you, my mind is your crystal rose.
It’s protected by my steel cage,
But you’re the only one with enough strength over me,
To make it collapse by choice.

I hope you acknowledge the fact that only you can do that.
I’ve tried so many times to shake you off,
But your presence remains constant in my memory
Sadly, I don’t think this black magic works both ways.

So let’s leave it at this typical farewell…
You’ll wander, live the life you always have
Showered in oblivion and bliss,
And you’ll quickly forget about me.

While I’m drowning in thoughts of you,
Replaying our scarce moments together.
Wondering what would’ve happened,
If I only had asked you to dance with me…

My Commiseration of Your Insincerity.

If you had the opportunity…

Of feeling happy,
Being surrounded by friends,
And living in your perfect fantasy,

But being lied to,
Surrounding yourself in means of a dream,
A hypothetical setting,
And cutting away parts of you, to please everyone else.

Or,

Defying conformity,
Being who your heart tells you to be
And not changing for anyone else’s judgment,

But being miserable,
Feeling alone, no matter how crowded the room is,
Having a select amount of friends,
And constantly being ostracized by the cliché we call ‘others’

What would you single handedly select?

This decision is an intricate one.
That pretty much paths out a lifetime
So go on, close your eyes and choose a side.

You ask for advice,
Because you know I’ve been here before.
I’ve dealt with the slap of reality
And that harsh revelation that made me open my eyes.

I’ll tell you one piece of advice.
How honest are you with yourself?
How far can you go, with blinding yourself,
And act dumb, as if you don’t see this isn’t the real you?

The path I chose might have not been the determined,
Let alone, ‘preferred’ one,
But the one that I didn’t have to live a lie.

I present myself as how I want to be seen.
I do what my heart desires,
And I say ‘fuck it’ to whomever doesn’t agree.

Because I know, I can’t lie to my heart,
Just as well as you do every single day.

Malevolently Compassionate.

I really need to learn to control my emotions.
I lash out at those who instigate pain
Possibly because of the countless times,
I’ve been shred to pieces.

Trust is nothing coherent with me.
Every time I hand it out,
It’s pure, clean and true.
But returns with stab wounds, and shoe prints.

Don’t question me on how I manage,
To return it to that state every single time.
To purify it of the sorrow, and lies,
It has been deceitfully contaminated with.

Even thought I handed my trust to you,
On that shining, equable platter.
And you took it for granted,
Treated it like some inconsequential piece of matter,

It doesn’t justify my actions , so childish and wrong,
For treating you like this.
The hypocrisy I’m instigating,
Despises my conscience to the deepest of levels.

Teach me how to control myself.
Restrain my levels of rage,
And cut down my catty ways.
Thus producing a more ‘emotion friendly’ me.

I’ve lost deep relationships to this before.
And I would gladly shut up,
To not lose you as a friend too.
But it seems I learned my lesson too late.

I wonder what the outcome would have become,
If I had know back then what I know now.
If the collisions created, and the storms I instigated,
Would have all been easily avoided.

But now I’m left here to ponder,
If you will ever accept my apology.
Yes, I took it too far, and I’ve realized it.
But you’re not completely innocent yourself.

Just know, that you opened my eyes.
Showed me something I was unaware of.
And gave me enough motivation,
To change my faults I dislike the most.

You did all that, by not saying one word…

May I Apologize, Even Though I’m Not At Fault?

I’m sorry.
Two words that I know I shouldn’t be uttering out
But I need some sort of forgiveness
Even when I have done nothing wrong

What’s wrong?
Two words you never seem to answer me.
But I need some sort of insight
So I can help you through this darkness

Trust me.
Two words whose commanding tone has no effect.
But this is what will get us through.
Even when it seems like the most dangerous thing to do.

I’m starting to feel helpless.
This state you bring yourself to,
Well, it’s unhealthy.
You never seem to notice what you bring yourself down to.

I need you to stop being so strong.
Don’t try to stand by yourself
Accept some sort of support
So you won’t have to endure this alone

If not from me, then any of us.
Please, let us help you
I promise we won’t let go.
No matter how hard you push us away.

Please listen.
Two words I need you to follow.
But you distance yourself away from me.
When all I want to do is help.

Breathing time.
Two words you seem to require a lot of.
But remember I’ll always be here.
You can have your space, but don’t disappear.

Everlasting stability.
Two words we all search for.
But who can really provide us with such virtue?
All I know, is that we can support each other,

For as long it takes for us to find it…

Come Fuel My Flames, Leave Feeding The Fire.

All we need is that sudden friction.
That trigger of adrenaline.
To light this match, and create unstable flames

Hold on to the match long enough,
Watch as the flames near your fingertips.
Feel the burning heat, passion in its hidden form

Until you get burnt, and let go.
I love that look of shock on your face,
As if you couldn’t have predicted that this was going to hurt you.

You try to hide the evidence.
So you won’t have to explain your faults.
But the ashes of a burnt past stain you silk hands.

Rub your palms on my history.
Pass the blame on to me
But these ashes have the knack of trailing fingerprints.

You have no one to blame but yourself for this.
I love the look of regret on your face.
As if you believed you could have made this disappear like past occasions.

I guess the only thing left to do now is to burn the remains.
Fuel your own fire so we can feel our heat once more
This time, there will be no evidence linking you here.

The only thing left now is smoke
Of a foggy past, regret, and bad decisions that have lead you here.

Dual Enrollment

*Directions for reading* The bold part is one poem, the obvious and painfully straightforward writing that depicts this situation. The italics are a different poem, the subliminal and symbolic writing that depicts the same situation. Read it as you'd like, bold only, then italics, or both toegether in the same stanza. The way it depicts in my mind, was saying two compleatly different things, but meaning the absolute same...

I just realized I tend to hide behind symbolism
Stare at curtains covering that fragile dancer
That hides from the world

Let’s try something new,
Why don’t we be more upfront this time?
Pull what magic string, reveal what’s inside.
Beware: once you see it, you can’t turn back.

It seems that no matter how blunt I am,
You never see who I am or what I want.
This stained glass refracts your lighting
To portray the illusions you think you see.

How much do you really know who I am?
Please, enlighten me.
Blink away the blur you have imagined,
And see for once what you've been hiding from yourself.

Time for you to see me, for the first time, I won't hide anything.
Lay your eyes upon something new.
This revelation you have come across is as raw
And true as how you want it to be.

I see you're surprised by what you didn't know.
Does this new perspective shed light?
Uncover those shadows you placed upon my mind.

I hope you still love me for what I’ve become.
My scars won’t cause any damage,
But will test your true acceptance

Was this blunt enough for you?
Or will you look away again?
It will be your choice to continue this game,
But you can break away from defiance for once.

I’ve given you every opportunity to realize what I am,
But you hide from me
That mental image you once held,
It seems to be a permanent fixture blurring my personality

Sadly, you missed out on an opportunity of a lifetime.
The moment was wasted,
You let diamonds fall through the cracks,
And you’re not trying to get them back

Because I don’t trust anyone else to see me for what I am
You had the ability to take care of these processions,
To keep them safe, and not get them scratched

Isn’t it funny how the only person you trust?
Is the one that you know will break you the hardest?
Yet you threw everything away,
Shattered my heart,
And cut me off from hope

But no matter how you state it,
Directly or indirectly,
You can only interpret what you want to understand...

The Carnival of All Spectator Acts

Come one come all,
Break away from the status quo.
Demolish your walls.
Bun your protective masks.

It’s time for the show,
Let’s all show our true colors.

Come one come all,
Comb through the past.
Resurface that pain.
Express yourself to the fullest.

It’s time for the show,
Time to open up the curtains of your life.

Come one come all,
Listen to that poetry.
Show your support.
Don’t’ act surprised.

It’s time for the show,
I’ll lend a hug, a hand, a heart.

Come one come all,
Let the tears flow.
Don’t choke it within you.
It’s ok to be vulnerable.

It’s time for the show,
Get up, shake it off, and leave it all behind that door…

The Ever-changing Views of My Kaleidoscopic Life.

You see that flower?
Well, it’s not really a flower

It acts like a flower,
It smells like a flower
It feels like a flower
But it will never be that blossoming beauty

Look closer,
Shed those petals.
Those covers of hurt
Those sheets of pain

Until there’s nothing left
But the raw stem of what was once something it never was.

You see that butterfly?
Well, it’s not really a butterfly.

It acts like a butterfly.
It flies like a butterfly,
It dances like a butterfly
But it will never be a symbol of freedom

Look closer,
Forget the art on the wings
Those covers of deformity
That mask of plastic beauty

Until you see nothing beautiful
But the raw body of broken things that were never whole.

You see that star?
Well, it’s not really a star.

It acts like a star.
It shines like a star,
It radiates like a star,
But it will never produce its own rays of light.

Look closer,
Take away the darkness of contrast
The reflection of false lighting
The lies of potential power

Until you see nothing shimmering
But the raw dullness of something that never sparked.

You see that smile?
Well, it’s not really a smile
Grazing on the face of that girl.

Look closer,
Remove the false laughter
The artificial hint of hope in her eye
The dreams in her head of better days
Look at her.

Until you see no soul.
But the emotionless body left of something that never knew what love was.

And once you have seen the truth,
You’ll blink, forgetting what you were really looking at.

Restraints

It’s always that same game we play.
I’ll pretend not to notice you
While you pretend that it doesn’t bother you.

Our movements have become too choreographed.
I’ll twirl my way close enough for you to notice
While you step in beat to keep your distance.

Our hearts in anticipation, both anxiously waiting for this moment to start
I’ll stand there nervously
While you linger, increasing the tension’s thickness

The moment has come, adrenalin fills the air
I’ll provide the pulsating energy
You’ll bring the symphony that conducts it all

Even with our rules and routines, we tend to slip up
I’ll look up with glistening eyes
You’ll meet my gaze for that split second

The moment is quickly gone, just becoming a memory to look back on
I’ll remember it as much more, as vivid as can be.
You’ll forget about it, making me a blurred thought in your memory

Let’s dive in one more time, testing the limits of my bravado.
I’ll keep my cool, speak normally, let’s keep the act going
You’ll talk softly, so I can’t hear

Lean in nearer; our faces close in the distance
I’ll fight back temptation to act on my impulse
You’ll whisper in my ear as if it was nothing new

The moment seems to be over once again, leaving more loose ends
I’ll have reality hit me, and give up on hope
You’ll never let it bother you, because I have no effect on you

What did I get out of it?
Exhilaration, adrenaline, confidence, and a feeling of self empowerment.

What did I leave you with?
My heart, my hope, and my ability to think of anything else.

Will I ever put myself through that pain again?
If it means seeing you, even if its with choreographed moves
The split second encounters
The teasing whispers, then Yes.

I wouldn’t change a second of it…

Existence Isn’t Always Appealing.

Look at that girl,
Always smiling,
Though never showing how broken she became.

Look at that girl,
Always obedient,
Holding back the contradicting thoughts.

Look at that girl,
Always laughing,
Bottling up those tears just waiting to overfill.

Look at that girl,
Always surrounded by people
Never expressing how alone she was.

Look at that girl,
Always the role model,
Hiding the mistakes so no disappointment is surfaced.

Look at that girl,
Always looking beautiful,
Layering on the make up to cover her battle scars.

Look at that girl,
Always standing strong,
Covering the fact that she’s about to crumble.

Look at that girl,
Frowning,
Rebelling,
Crying,
Alone,
Fucked up,
Ugly,
Weak,

This is the real me, the true me, and the beautiful me.
Come take a look at my scars,
I’ll show you how deep pain truly is…